When happiness is hard to find…

This post will be very different from what you’d normally see on my blog

Being our messy, imperfect, authentic selves helps create a space where others feel safe to be themselves too. Your vulnerability can be a gift to others. How badass is that?

Brittin Oakman

We have all probably gone through that phase in our lives, say once, twice or multiple times when happiness is hard to find. No, you are not depressed, but then all the things that used to excite you or make you happy no longer interest you. You could call it mood swings but this time the swing is stuck in one direction; the wrong direction. Or maybe you can’t relate at all.

This was me sometime last year. I had deleted all my social media apps, stopped reading novels (if you know me personally, you’d know how weird this is). I lost the greater part of my self-confidence for reasons I did not know or understand. All my creative and professional work now looked somehow. Everything just became, you know “weird”. Maybe something triggered all of this, I’m not quite sure. But it was one of my lowest moments last year.

My friends reading this are probably wondering when and where this happened lmao. I’m the kind of person you’d call a happy child. I’m almost always smiling, positive energy all day, every day. But even the happiest people on earth have sad days and so, sometimes, I would be smiling on the outside and crying on the inside. I would still be communicating physically even though mentally, I’m isolating myself. I would easily give you great advice while struggling with the same issue. Maybe this is why they always tell us to check up on our happy friends, you never know when they are going through it.

Okay, this is becoming a little too touchy feely for my liking. I promise you I’m just trying to pass a message. I’m also happy and jiggy rn so you don’t have to be worried xoxo

While I was going through all of this, I was doing this thing with my friend where we would watch sermons and then discuss about them. We were supposed to start a new Mike Todd series, You are loved. So on that very day, I watched the first part of the series, with very little enthusiasm. But I watched it anyway.

Guys, believe me when I say that sermon was God-sent because somehow after watching that particular part, my eyes were opened to so many things that were all around me. It reminded me of things I had achieved, awards I had won, how smart, talented and blessed I was. I realized that I was loved too much to let anything (known/unknown) control my emotions…loved by God, my family and my friends. Were these things there all along? Yes. But somehow, I just couldn’t see it at the time.

From my experience I’d say it’s almost like something clouds our minds and emotions blocking out the positives and allowing us to see only faults and flaws. And sometimes, all we need is someone to help us remember all that we are and not just what we aren’t. So spend time with people who love you genuinely and communicate. Don’t be like me, I don’t like to share my problems and honestly I’m working on it. This is because I know I am human and I wasn’t made to do life alone. I am worthy of love (that’s the meaning of Amanda btw) and should allow people who love me to show it.

There will surely be disappointments and situations we can’t control. You might even be battling with something as you read this. Life can be crazy sometimes but don’t ever forget who you are, what you’re capable of. You are loved.

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  1. Awww. Thank you Kenny

  2. This was a very good read. Really liked how you added the meaning of Amanda I actually didn’t know

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